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In your head by ~Goth-chick707:iconGoth-chick707:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Horror & Macabre > Open


...a poem.

tell me how you like it.
©2004-2010 ~Goth-chick707
:icongoth-chick707:

Author's Comments

bleed,

bleed,

take a knife and realese the deed

scream in pain as you feel the blade...
and i'll watch

watch you bleed,
if you feel the need

blood rush out
like a stream,

slowly die,
you don't need to breath

so that's what the voice tells you
in your sleep?

when you hear it,
you just cut to the beat...

of your heart in the night,
fire ignite,

burning bright.

if you want,
you can let the whole world see

but if you wanna take away,
then just let me be

Comments


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:iconmycatsasha:
~mycatsasha Jan 9, 2005, 9:12:01 AM
Nice work! Good use of metaphores. I like it!

--
"I advise you to comply, my instructions should be clear, remember there are worse things than a shattered chandelier!" - The Opera Ghost

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:iconrolex:
~ROLEX Jan 9, 2005, 9:44:22 AM
i think you may have missed an 'e' off the end of breath, so that it would read 'breathe'. why did you use 'wanna' instead of 'want to'? is this to point something out that i am missing, or is this just a sloppy grammatical error? (please don't take offence, it's just that i think that poems should only differentiate in spelling to slang words if there is a definitive point to this technique)

i think your poem would work well to music. do you have any thoughts on that?
:icongoth-chick707:
~Goth-chick707 Jan 10, 2005, 5:52:22 PM
Thank you very muchly!

--
:fusionrock: Tianna AKA *PiNk* :kitty:

she lived like a murder...
but she died...
just like suicide

~"like suicide", Soundgarden
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December 30, 2004
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